wicked songs

by Songsmiths Anonymous Forum

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about

"Wicked Songs" is a collection of songs created by various artists associated with the Songsmiths Anonymous Forum based on lyrics by Tina Marshall (tinam)

Please check out our second album as well WINTERSONGS 2011 (free download) 38 winter and festive themed songs by songwriters from around the globe: wintersongs.bandcamp.com


Songwriters of all genre are invited to join us for year round songwriting support and encouragement! To find out more, please visit: www.dragondreams.org.uk/SAforum/


For lyrics and artist info see individual song title links above

credits

released October 17, 2011

For artist participation notes and lyrics to individual songs please see song title links in list above.

All songs included with express permission of performers and copyright holders.

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license

all rights reserved

about

Wicked Songs Wakefield, UK

A joint project by the members of Songsmiths Anonymous, Songsmiths Advance to set to music the fantastic words written by Tina Marshall!

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Track Name: wolf kier - Painless Perkins
Painless Perkins by Tina Marshall (original lyrics)

chorus
i will remove your clothes
all resistance is pathetic
my name is painless perkins
love will be your anaesthetic

verse1
ive analysed your shopping
ive examined your trash
ive studied all your phone calls
to men you date for cash

verse2
see i know all about you
& i need a perfect wife
& you wont feel a thing
as i slide into your life

chorus repeated

verse3
of course you will adore me
youll be a work of art
youll squeal with excitement
till death us do part

verse4
my name is painless perkins
damn you're the flatline on my chart
& it wont hurt a bit
as i run off with your heart

(c) Tina Marshall 2011
Track Name: Nadia Cripps + Ann Mayo Muir - Mrs. Conundrum's Daughter
Mrs. Conundrum had a daughter
That she didn't love at all
Quite often she'd move house
While I was at school
I'd come running home
Knock on my front door
A stranger would say
"You don't live here no more"

I'd spend the whole night
Walking round the town
I developed a sixth sense
For tracking Mum down
At 4 in the morning
Knockin on a strange door
Mum would say “Took you 12 hours
That's a pretty poor score”

Then she got a boyfriend
Mr. Maze was a scout
He'd shut me in the house
I had to find my way out
The next bloke she had
Was a Mr. Crossword
He just swore at me a lot
He was a right queer bird

Chorus

Now I go through my life
Lookin for clues
For someone who'll love me
I don't suppose it's you?

Lyric Copyright© Tina Marshall 2011
Track Name: rittmo' - My Insane Husband
My Insane Husband

Every night the mad songs of my insane husband
would echo down the stairs
where i'd sit holding my terrified child
as he hugged his teddy bear

songs of contacting aliens & prostitutes
thru his electric guitar
screaming about smashing windows, breaking doors
...darling we're safe where we are!

but mummy please your hurting me
its you who've gone insane
your holding daddy prisoner
hes screaming for help & hes in pain!

Tommy NO not you aswell
you must have your fathers mad gene!
i'll have to lock you in with him
in the time travel machine

….& DONT try to run outside!
we're in a submarine

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: Larry Segers + Valerie Cox - Love Drained House
LOVE DRAINED HOUSE BY TINA MARSHALL

verse1
oh wont you break me out
of this love drained house
pour me in a dress
thats never heard of drought
give me one night with
in a life without
& in a blood red car
race my dead grey heart
like a kite

chorus
& I will shine in orange & blue
& lights will splash of every hue
the night will burst
the sky for me the stars for you

verse2
then in a shiny town
we'll leave my dull life drowned
transfused with dance
transformed by sound
then hold me in your arms
on a coast of palms
& with magicians hands
conjure love from sand
just for me

bridge
over the bridge weve crossed
i'll find the man i lost
& in a crimson bed
in your golden web
I'll come round

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: Nadia Cripps + rittmo' - Love Drained House
LOVE DRAINED HOUSE BY TINA MARSHALL

verse1
oh wont you break me out
of this love drained house
pour me in a dress
thats never heard of drought
give me one night with
in a life without
& in a blood red car
race my dead grey heart
like a kite

chorus
& I will shine in orange & blue
& lights will splash of every hue
the night will burst
the sky for me the stars for you

verse2
then in a shiny town
we'll leave my dull life drowned
transfused with dance
transformed by sound
then hold me in your arms
on a coast of palms
& with magicians hands
conjure love from sand
just for me

bridge
over the bridge weve crossed
i'll find the man i lost
& in a crimson bed
in your golden web
I'll come round

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: Woody "Johnny Credit" Muller - Love Drained House
LOVE DRAINED HOUSE BY TINA MARSHALL

verse1
oh wont you break me out
of this love drained house
pour me in a dress
thats never heard of drought
give me one night with
in a life without
& in a blood red car
race my dead grey heart
like a kite

chorus
& I will shine in orange & blue
& lights will splash of every hue
the night will burst
the sky for me the stars for you

verse2
then in a shiny town
we'll leave my dull life drowned
transfused with dance
transformed by sound
then hold me in your arms
on a coast of palms
& with magicians hands
conjure love from sand
just for me

bridge
over the bridge weve crossed
i'll find the man i lost
& in a crimson bed
in your golden web
I'll come round

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: Calum Carlyle - The Freakshow
The Freakshow

verse1
the lesson ends
the lunch bell goes
bent & mishapen
I hug the shadows
the 2nd floor corridor
I dare not go
theyre hunting for
the Creatures
of the Freakshow

verse2
sometimes I picture
my birth, the pain
my fathers revulsion
my mothers shame
their tears their guilt
their big mistake
“we'll act like nothings wrong
for the poor childs sake!”

chorus
& they hid it from me
for most of my youth
till I came to this school
kids tell you the truth!

Verse3
Miss caught me
daydreaming in D.T.
“You wont make a living
from that ,young lady!
What will you do
when you leave school eh?"
Im joining the circus Miss
I dont have a say.
“Oh! so a budding
lion tamer are we?”
no I'm bound for the Freakshow
my futures been decided for me

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: JamKar + wolf kier - Number 53
Number 53

Verse 1
shes a funny little lady
they say once she had a baby
but the son he wasnt right
& she smothered him one night
& her husband owned a store
but never came back from the war
they were married for only a month
& he was posted to the western front

chorus
shes always lived at number 53
she says thats where she'll always be

verse2
her brother used to come & stay
but hes dead now anyway
she had a cat called sonny jim
& she had more whiskers than him
but he got hit by a bus
& so hes no longer with us
& her name is eleanor
they dont call girls that anymore

chorus
shes always lived at number 53
she says thats where she'll always be

verse3
imagine the streets surprise
when we found out that she'd died
the whole street got on the phone
& we got her a gravestone
I put in the money that i'd saved
& we got it engraved
it just said number 53
so thats where she'll always be

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: Rod "Downburst" Johnson - The Stationery Clerk
THE STATIONERY CLERK BY TINA MARSHALL

Chorus
Above the run down buildings
light peels from the sky
hes worked there forever
evolution passed him by

verse1
time enters the storeroom
thru the old clock
& the stationery clerk
chops it into 8 equal blocks
with a large paper knife
suddenly the world rocks!..........

Verse2
new advanced creatures
have come to remodel reshape
they penetrate the jungle
of buildings at teabreak
they play with time, command it
break the old rules
his paper knife lies redundant
like a flint tool

repeat chorus

verse3
they call him the missing link
they give him flexitime, a digital clock
but no hands are moving
his mind stops from the shock
hes heard the stationery clerk jokes
you higher life forms say
he picks them up on some radar
evolution took away

verse4
one wild night
youll feel a long shadow fall
across your sleeping body
is it man or animal?
Its the stationery clerk
with his neanderthal thumbs
with a large paper knife
& your time will have come

repeat chorus

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: gerrybhoy - Mrs. Alphabet's 26 Kids
Mrs Alphabets 26 kids

verse 1
She saw his surname in the phonebook
& thought oooh id like to marry Jim
I'd be Mrs Alphabet
& I could have 26 kids by him

verse2
she rang him up & asked him out
& got him into bed
by the time the first one arrived
they were already wed

chorus
Alan brenda charlie dolly
ellie frankie gerry holly
ian johnny kate & lenny
michael nancy ollie penny
16 down just 10 to go
her resolve began to grow

verse 3
It wasnt all plain sailing
Jim ran out of fizz
behind his back she slept with Jack
the next 3 were not his

chorus
Queenie robert susie tom
una viv will xena yvonne
she only needed just 1 more
& she'd have the full score

verse4
she laid down in the labour ward
said thankyou to the gods
“Mrs Alphabet, it looks like your all set”
& then she produced quads!

DAMN!

Bridge
No I'm Mrs Alphabet , 29s no use!
she screamed & shouted
swore & pouted
the gods got the abuse.
Jim came in to see her
she laid there full of woe
“Ive thought it thru & in my view
3 have got to go!"

Chorus
Alan brenda charlie dolly
ellie frankie gerry holly
ian johnny kate & lenny
michael nancy ollie penny
29 must be decreased
which 3 do I like the least?

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: gerrybhoy - Love's Always a Misunderstanding
LOVE'S ALWAYS A MISUNDERSTANDING BY TINA MARSHALL

She'd been planning her wedding for 30 odd years
the dress & the shoes & the cake & the tears
when her 40s started to loom
oh dear she thought ive forgotten a groom!

he'd been planning his single life for 30 odd years
the tv the sofa the takeaways the beers
now that his 40s started to loom
all he wanted to do was rent out his spare room

so she posted an ad
in the paper for free
Groom wanted it said
but they missed off the G
he rang her up
said ive got what you need
hey come round take a look
she thought wow!... she agreed!
she liked what she saw
he was dark he was slim
& she nearly passed out
when he said “when d'ya wanna move in?”

chorus
Loves is always a misunderstanding
I thought I was flying
but I was crash landing
love always gets scrambled in translation
I thought I was flying
to some hot destination
but the guy you thought was the pilot of your dreams
cant even fly a bloody kite it seems

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: Nadia Cripps + Michael Karns - Love's Always a Misunderstanding
LOVE'S ALWAYS A MISUNDERSTANDING BY TINA MARSHALL

She'd been planning her wedding for 30 odd years
the dress & the shoes & the cake & the tears
when her 40s started to loom
oh dear she thought ive forgotten a groom!

he'd been planning his single life for 30 odd years
the tv the sofa the takeaways the beers
now that his 40s started to loom
all he wanted to do was rent out his spare room

so she posted an ad
in the paper for free
Groom wanted it said
but they missed off the G
he rang her up
said ive got what you need
hey come round take a look
she thought wow!... she agreed!
she liked what she saw
he was dark he was slim
& she nearly passed out
when he said “when d'ya wanna move in?”

chorus
Loves is always a misunderstanding
I thought I was flying
but I was crash landing
love always gets scrambled in translation
I thought I was flying
to some hot destination
but the guy you thought was the pilot of your dreams
cant even fly a bloody kite it seems

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: Ann Mayo Muir - My Special Eyes
my special eyes

Everything is hiding
from something that it fears
& all these things that are hiding
you will never see or hear
I don't want to alarm you
but some are hiding very near
you need special kinds of eyes
to make these things appear

chorus
the trees are full of green beasts
frightened of the fall
the snows are full of white creatures
dreading summers call
the night is full of black things
hiding from the light
the day is full of bright devils
terrified of night
my house is full of dusty things
hiding behind my settee
the sky is full of blue things
you can never see

verse 2
I know that this may scare you
& make you want to hide
& then no one will see you
except me with my eyes
the world is such a frightening place
when you become this wise

chorus

(C) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: gerrybhoy - The Girl Whose Fingers Got Stuck in Her Ears
the girl whos fingers got stuck in her ears

My mind is full of nasty things
hiding from the world
my mother chased them in there
when I was a little girl
theyve lived in there so long
theyve interbred with my brain cells
ii dont know why she left them there
cos I'm not a naughty girl

chorus
I got my index fingers
& poked them in my ears
to push the nasties out
& make my head all clear
but the nasties grabbed them tightly
wouldnt let me pull them away
so dont tell me that im bad
cos I cant hear a word you say

verse2
now mum has to feed me
& help me change my clothes
mum can you come quickly
you need to blow my nose
if only you hadnt called me
all those awful names
mum you are so silly
you only got yourself to blame

repeat chorus

verse 3
I wish my mind was full of lovely things
the loveliest in the world
like perfume & expensive clothes
makeup, jewellery, pearls
I would be so happy
if they befriended my brain cells
my fingers might slip out
& I might be a lovely girl

repeat chorus

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: Dragondreams + gerrybhoy - Guitarist Found In Pudding
guitarist found in pudding

he had a sweet tooth
he was a sweet old bastard
& he got a sweet sound
out of a fender telecaster

sex & treacle pudding
was all he wanted from me
but love was never ever
in his recipe

he said before I die
I dont want to be cremated
let me be baked in a pudding
heavily sedated

half a ton of bicarb
& self raising flour
sugar eggs marge treacle
bake me for an hour

I got all the ingredients
but in the middle of a storm
suddenly he died
the oven wasnt even warm!

I couldnt be bothered
well he could have waited
I sealed it all in the coffin
& took him to be cremated

what happened next
I dont need to tell you
but it was the best funeral
everyone had been to

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: esc4p3 - Laser Guided Bitch
laser guided bitch

the dictator played dirty
the situation was hot
the president said “we'll hit him
with everything weve got!”

“I'm launching the nuke!”
he slapped at the switch
oh my god he's missed!
he's hit the laser guided bitch!

She shot off her chair
like she was launched from a jet
thru the sound barrier
in wonderbra & fishnets

killer heels & lipstick
burning vodka & tobacca
wearing so much mascara
the radar couldnt track her

she hit the tyrants palace
with an almighty boom
came down a chimney
exploded in his bathroom!

Screaming & bitching
& bawling so loud
while he hid in the shower
all shaking & cowed

“the toilet is filthy!
you aint changed your underwear!
theres hair in the sink!
dirty socks over there!”

"you disgust me you animal!
EUUCHH! Whats that on the floor!"
Girls he was so ashamed
he called off the war!!!

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: Dragondreams + wolf kier: - Institute of Weird Noises
The Institute of Weird Noises

In the night youve heard squeaks
youve heard moans youve heard creaks
& rattles & half human voices
I have it on tape
that they all escaped
from the Institute of Weird Noises

the world was once ravaged
ours ears were once savaged
by terrible bangings & rattles
the great noise catcher
Sir Oliver Thatcher
defeated the noises in battle

all those screeches & booms
were sealed in locked rooms
till they became long forgotten voices
while we blissfully slept
the noises were still kept
in the Institute of Weird Noises

we had 50 years of silence
with no nasty sound violence
our children dreamt safe from bad voices
then noise terrorists came
& with Thatcher defamed
broke into the vault of Weird Noises

they took all the howls
all the screams & the growls
& sold them to the highest bidder
& so the night & the day
began an arms race ok
something Thatcher didnt consider

the day bought some ghosts
but the night bought the most
armed itself with the noises I dread
quiet as a mouse
it creeps into my house
& unleashes them into my head

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: Rahkoi - Bad Girls From Drug Planet 9
BAD GIRLS FROM DRUG PLANET 9

chorus
she's Off Her Tits
i'm Outta MyTree
she's Totally Zonked
& she's Wrecked Completely,
the bullshits for free
but the brand name's all mine
we're the Bad Girls from Drug Planet 9

verse1
we shag all your boyfriends
we take all your cash
we arrive in a spacecraft
eating Cadburys Smash
Our musics way out there
i got a new a tattoo done
it says Sex n drugs n rock n Doll
somewhere on my bum

chorus

verse2
we're pornstars from the Dark Side
we're beautiful thugs
my babys first words were
“F*ck milk...want drugs!”
Weve got a fab cd
I play guitar with my tongue
we got a million ideas
but we only need 1

chorus

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: rittmo' - Lipstick on the Moon
Lipstick on the moon

She sat in her penthouse
the queen of fashion cosmetics
looking at the moon
feeling sentimental & poetic

“that old girl deserves
a makeover really soon
im gonna be the first
to put lipstick on the moon!”

for a planetful of cash
she got Nasa in her pocket
& said the next launch
will be a pink shimmer rocket

it wont contain an astronaut
or space geologist
all the moon needs
is a beauty therapist

but when the Russians heard
what had been devised
they didnt want the moon
looking glam & westernised

& so the superpowers
started a makeup race
to develop cosmetics
to use in outer space

the Russians launched their makeup fleet
the US followed soon
all these makeover & styling craft
were heading for the moon

the US did the left side
the Russians did the right
but the line down the middle
was not a pretty sight

seen from the earth
it did not look good at all
like a plastic surgery disaster
lunar berlin wall

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: rittmo' - Specs n Drugs n Rock'n'Roll
Specs n drugs n rock n roll

short sighted steve
played in a band with his brother
long sighted lenny
but theyd never seen one another

one night on stage
they bumped into one another
what you doing here man?
its me steve your brother

I thought you were playing
with the Half Blind Yokels?
...Well I thought you were gigging
with the Bifocal Locals?

are you crazy man
no I left them because
they just couldnt see
how good a singer I was

so what about you?
heard you got a bad name
with Cross Eyed James
& the Cheap Nasty Frames

yeah the stage it was dark
& you know I'm half blind
I plugged my guitar
into a roadies behind!

Len I thought you went solo
didnt I give you a hand
to put up a poster
saying contact lens band?

GROAN!!! thats enuff!

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: airbagtester - Specs n Drugs n Rock'n'Roll
Specs n drugs n rock n roll

short sighted steve
played in a band with his brother
long sighted lenny
but theyd never seen one another

one night on stage
they bumped into one another
what you doing here man?
its me steve your brother

I thought you were playing
with the Half Blind Yokels?
...Well I thought you were gigging
with the Bifocal Locals?

are you crazy man
no I left them because
they just couldnt see
how good a singer I was

so what about you?
heard you got a bad name
with Cross Eyed James
& the Cheap Nasty Frames

yeah the stage it was dark
& you know I'm half blind
I plugged my guitar
into a roadies behind!

Len I thought you went solo
didnt I give you a hand
to put up a poster
saying contact lens band?

GROAN!!! thats enuff!

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: Death By Guitar + Tina Marshall - The Queens of Pink Noise
The queens of pink noise

we broke out of dreamland
we're hot rails to Desire
we got experimental guitars
& burning amplifiers

stoned beautiful unsteady
we're the sound from way out there
where the great painters preened
& the great poets tossed their hair

chorus
we're the queens of pink noise
a spandex pagan bitch design
you can touch our sublime bodies
with your less than perfect minds

on total rock airways
where the love pilots fly
we leave subliminal messages
in the backwards sky

bridge
we're a cherry flavoured
leopard skin & lipstick funfair
a magic bitch transmission
online peepshow & prayer
were a coca cola bubblegum & static suntan
we'll leave you penniless & wiser mister if we can

repeat chorus

(c)tina marshall 2011
Track Name: airbagtester - Graveyard of Black Guitars (Randall)
THE GRAVEYARD OF BLACK GUITARS (Lyrics by Tina Marshall):

I found a black guitar by the roadside
& I took it to the river under the stars
& I floated on it downstream
to the graveyard of the black guitars

chorus
somebody saved that guitar
somebody held it proud
somebody slung it low
& played it pulpit loud

I got a used amp for 50 bucks
I took it to the river under the stars
I floated on it downstream & used it
as a headstone for the black guitar

chorus
somebody saved that guitar
somebody held it proud
somebody slung it low
& played it pulpit loud

the black guitars rose up out of their cases
& under the moon while the stars rehearsed
they called me bright lord & radiant saviour
but I said no my name is Sunburst

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: gerrybhoy - My Toy Phone
My toy phone

God came to my birthday party
& he took my mum away
I rang him on my new toy phone
every single day
but he was never in
I just wanted to say
God your sposed to bring a present
not take something away

my daddy he met a lady
& she took him away
I rang him on my toy phone
every single day
but he was never in
I just wanted to say
daddy wherever you are
i'll never throw my toy phone away

© tina marshall 2011
Track Name: Ann Mayo Muir - Mrs. Brewer's House of Love
Mrs Brewers house of love

my mother didn't make love
she manufactured it ....on a huge scale!
she brewed it in the bathtub
& in the kitchen in a pail
she spoon fed it to us kids
she rubbed it on my dad
she splashed it on our cats & dogs
& all the pets we had

there was no room in our house
where she didnt make the stuff
I never asked her how to make it
cos I'd always got enuff
then one day she died
the process came to a stop
I felt I'd been so greedy
I'd used up all the lot

the house was full of darkness
sadness & woe because
my mum had never told us
what her secret formula was
then out of the blue one day
the boy next door just said
would I like to make love
in his garden shed

I brought along a pail
but it didnt get used
in fact what we did
left me quite confused.....

& now ive got a baby boy
& I love him endlessly
my mum had left her secret
deep inside of me!

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: ballyhoot - The Clever Side of the Bed
THE CLEVER SIDE OF THE BED:

Every day she woke up stupid
something missing in her head
I realised that men slept
on the clever side of the bed

& evry day he had to remind her
ooh the clever nasty things he said
my god he must have hated her
I spose thats why they got wed

she brought up 14 babies
while he boozed in the Kings Head
you can never get pregnant
on the clever side of the bed

& evry night he'd hurt her
while I hid under my bedspread
its best to remind them who sleeps
on the clever side of the bed

I know he interfered with my sisters
but nothing was ever said
its just a privelege of sleeping
on the clever side of the bed

(c) tina marshall 2011
Track Name: wolf kier - The End
The End by Tina Marshall:

Summers wardrobe hangs in shreds
autumns armies scrape the sky
death wears life like a veneer
we scratch our names & then we die

men break your heart
women steal your sons
young girls take your looks
the drink's your last loved one

children shed their summer skin,
forsake the sun for the shade
theres nothing at the end of the rainbow
their poems crash, their footsteps fade

men break your heart
women steal your sons
young girls take your looks
the drink's your last loved one

your heroes pass, the world is strange
at the end your all alone
bury me in the ones I loved
where time cant disturb my bones

men break your heart
women steal your sons
young girls take your looks
the drink's your last loved one

(c) tina marshall 2011